It's been an average year.

It seems like every time I walk outside, that hint of cool air gets stronger and stronger. In just a few days, summer will be over and autumn will begin. This means nicer weather, the beginning of preparations for the year’s biggest holidays, and, of course, good movies. I typically refer to the last few months of the year as the second half as far as movies go, because studios typically save their best films for the fall and early winter, in the hope of being remembered come award season. Whether or not you care about all the silly lists and ceremonies that fill up the first few months of the year, the simple truth is that it’s more fun going to the movies every week when most of the movies are actually worth seeing.

 Therefore, at the end of every year, film critics are so busy praising all the new stuff that they forget about most of the first nine months. This year has not been deprived of memorable movie experiences. In fact, it’s been a fairly decent year, considering that I’ve only truly hated five of the forty-six movies I’ve seen. There were also only six I truly loved. That leaves thirty-five that were in-between, which isn’t really a bad thing, but if a movie is simply average, that means it is unfulfilling in one way or another. I think I was in the same boat as most film-goers when I didn’t feel very strongly either way about most things I saw.

The Hunger Games had very little to offer those who weren’t already members of the book’s enormous cult. Brave was a charming, but rather dry new attempt from Pixar that was almost overshadowed by the dark joviality of ParaNorman. Other animated movies fared far worse, with high-grossing clunkers like Madagascar 3 and Ice Age 17. Oliver Stone’s Savages was strangely captivating for falling so flat. Action adventures like Premium Rush and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter were simultaneously engrossing and empty. Die-hard action fans got the maddeningly pointless Bourne Legacy and the frustratingly sincere Raid: Redemption. Comedy fans got equally pointless, varyingly amusing pictures like 21 Jump Street, Ted, and The Dictator. Horror fans ate up The Cabin in the Woods, an interesting idea that wound up not knowing what to do with itself, while ignoring the scary and atmospheric Woman in Black. Even serious movies like The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and Hope Springs turned up empty-handed.

“Good golly, Beaux!” you may well think. “Was there anything you did think was worth bothering with? Tell me, please!” If you were to ask almost anybody else, their answer would be alarmingly bad. As of right this minute, the imdb top 250 holds three of this year’s movies. Two of them are The Dark Knight Rises at number 28 and The Avengers at 100. Everyone I know loved both of these movies and would heartily agree that they rank among the best ever. I am all for people having their own opinions and don’t even have a problem with them enjoying movies I don’t, but these people could not be more wrong. The Dark Knight Rises is not one of the best movies of the year, much less of all time. I’ll concede that it is a decent enough picture, but it’s popularity is incredible considering what a failure it is. It is successful in its familiarity with Nolan’s first films, but packs none of the same punch. The fans of the deserving originals are so passionate, they can’t stop and think about how tiresome the movie really is. I expect it will go the way of Spider-Man 2: critical blockbuster today, unexplainably hated tomorrow. (I agree with most people that The Amazing Spider-Man was a good movie, but I also have nothing against Sam Raimi’s trilogy.)

Even though I didn’t like The Dark Knight Rises, I left it with the same “blah” feeling I had towards the other movies listed above. I didn’t hate it like I did The Avengers, which I must confess made me quite angry. I was so annoyed with it and its rabid fans, that I wrote a ranting post about it in addition to my extremely negative review. That is one of the most unpopular things I’ve ever done, since I have yet to find anyone, in person or on the internet, who thought it was a remotely bad movie. This unanimous blindness isn’t making me as angry as it did a few months ago, but I beg the Avengers fans to let it go. I’ll stop saying bad things about it if you’ll stop shouting its non-existent qualities at me. Thank you.

The movies I really did like included Ridley Scott’s magnificent return to outer space with Prometheus and Steven Soderbergh’s surprisingly grounded action movie Haywire. My other favorites were a bit more controversial. I loved the little dramatic comedy Bernie, featuring an incredible performance from Jack Black, which somehow escaped mainstream attention. Lawless was an enjoyable tale of hillbilly vengeance, which seems to have rubbed most viewers the wrong way with its historically correct cruelty. The most shocking thing I wrote all year was a nine star review of Dax Shephard’s good-hearted comedy Hit and Run (Of all the nerve!). This was a wonderful movie that was widely hated, mostly because viewers expected an actual action movie, despite the advertisements clearly indicating its ridiculousness. Those people just need to see Expendables 2, which, by the way, is no less silly.

The best movie moment of the first half of 2012 was when Wes Anderson blessed us with his latest masterpiece, Moonrise Kingdom. I thought so much of this movie that I called it the best of the year back in July. Right now, it still is, and I doubt it will be topped as my favorite. I could, and very well may, write an entire book about its seemingly endless charms. I saw it a total of four times in theaters, a personal record, and will certainly watch it again before the year is out. It is such a miraculous thing that it remains fresh, inspired, and very funny even after so many viewings. I will not be surprised if it eventually holds out as one of my all-time favorites. My guess is it will. This probably would have been a generally unmemorable year if not for Mr. Anderson. However, there are still plenty of other things to look forward to in the coming months.

My past reviews can be found here.

Shoot an owl. Go to jail.

I work with some weird people. On Friday, one of my co-workers was in a particularly odd mood. She spent a lengthy bit of time discussing the various pros and cons of different styles of execution and how much she would prefer the gas chamber to the electric chair (Wouldn't we all?). She also relayed her desire to be a bonafide witch, although she seems more interested in just plain having mind control than having to learn a bunch of fancy-pants spells.

Apparently, if she woke up with magic powers, she would continue living her life as she always has, but with the added benefit of forcing people to do embarassing things. Making people trip on nothing and fall on their faces is one example of the tortures this woman would enact. Others include having them say things like, "I eat poop," at inopportune moments and eating their own boogers. My office partner's imagination obviously knows no limits. And she's only a decade older than me!

I am not being serious. If I was handed unlimited supernatural abilities, I would pull money out of thin air, go back in time, make myself invisible, or teleport. I would not spend all day using them to trip people in the halls. That's what string is for. Moreover, I don't see much use in keeping it a big secret. Yes, logically, if I awoke one day with superpowers, someone else also probably got similar ones that they will now be determined to use for evil. At that point, the evil magic person would most likely get busy committing acts of mass terrorism, while I busy myself visiting Groucho Marx. My indifference to the sinister goings-on and the fact that I'd, like, never be around should keep me pretty safe.

This brings up many ethical questions. Would it be wrong of me to ignore the pain of my fellow era while I enjoy myself seeing the great sights of history? One of the most popular time travel scenarios is going back and shooting Hitler. Well, if I did that, what kind of lesson would I be teaching the kids? No, it is my belief that history should be left unscathed by my whims. If I could travel through time, I would do so with the utmost respect for the true outcome of events. If I could pull money out of thin air, I'd give at least thirty percent to charity. If I could teleport, I would still recommend airplane travel to my friends. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way.

All of this talk is pure buffoonery, and I know it. Sometimes, though, asking these questions is a way to test our own strength of character. What would you do with a million dollars? If you answer pay off all my credit card debts, you're a selfish person. If you had only one wish, what would it be? If you answer a million wishes, you're a cliched person. Which animal would you most like to be? If you answer owl, you're an awesome person. Nobody hunts owls for sport. There's something to think about.