Never go canoeing in the near vicinity of hillbillies.

What makes a movie a classic? Some seem to believe that the definition applies to every movie they saw in their college years, as in, "Dude, Last Action Hero is classic!" Some would argue that it applies to every movie made before the 70s, as in, "Don't say anything against Cat Ballou, it's a classic!" I say the term can be applied to any movie new or old that is truly great in every way, as in, "Moonrise Kingdom is a modern classic. Go watch it now."

A lot of people really do subscribe to this last version of the definition, which by all accounts is the correct one, but sometimes a movie that doesn't deserve the title somehow slips through the cracks and gets it anyway. I sat through Deliverance for the second time in my life last night and again wondered to myself, "How in the world did this movie ever become a classic?" No, for the most part, I don't like it. It tries to be thrilling and important, but it's just slow to a fault. It also is much less important than it thinks it is, as better movies had been featuring similarly shocking content for a few years prior.

Despite all that, I can't call it a bad movie, criticize it at any length, or even think of it without respect. If someone mentions Deliverance to me, we don't discuss it, I just nod in solemn understanding. The movie is a nightmare to get through. I can't imagine how awkward it must be to watch it with anyone. It is bewildering and frustrating and an emotionally scarring experience. You can't watch it and not think about it. In many cases, I suspect people watch it and wish they hadn't. If you joke about it, you're a heartless creep. A friend of mine once said she accidentally saw it for the first time as a pre-teen. That's more disturbing than anything in the movie.

It is incredible to realize how enormous the movie really is. If you just google the word deliverance, every result except for the definition is about the movie. It seems like everyone has seen it or knows what it is about. It's like some sort of American tradition. I know people who have seen Deliverance who have never heard of Casablanca. I guess I won't spoil it for those who haven't watched it, but the impact of the film stems entirely from that scene about halfway through. Yes, the scene in which a main character is requested to squeal like a pig. Before the movie was released in 1972, everyone pretty much knew what would happen from all the controversy surrounding the book on which it was based. The movie probably couldn't have been a success without it. People like to be horrified.

That's what it all boils down to. The scene is handled with a disturbing silence, a realistic discomfort that makes everyone squirm because there isn't anything fake about it. The scene hangs over the rest of the movie like a guilty conscience, and everyone runs out of the screening to tell their friends how positively shocking the movie they just saw was. It still works today. There are certain things that can never be watered down.

So, the one scene is so effective and the second half and ending so manipulative that the movie has become history. The fact that it is boring and dated doesn't factor into it. The fact that it isn't remotely fun to watch is technically the whole point. The movie wants you to soak it in and ponder questions of morality and so on and suchlike. It is a classic movie that skips over the stage of actually being a good movie. It simply did too much damage, leaving a permanent blotch on American cinema that can't be ignored now. The influence even reaches people like me, who can barely stand it. No matter how much I roll my eyes during the viewing, I still think of it every time I hear a slow banjo strum, see a wrecked vehicle in the middle of nowhere, or am asked to do anything out in nature.

"Are you kidding? I'm not going anywhere near the woods! Have you seen Deliverance?"