Thursday is far too gruesome.

If there was just one truly evil thing in this world, you can rest assured it was probably somehow related to Babra Streisand. I also hate Thursdays.

Think about it. Yes, Mondays usually suck, but that is expected and you know that better things are coming. Tuesday is pretty passive. I know I at least am busy on Tuesday with all the stuff I didn't do Monday because I was too tired, but by this point you're used to the new week. By the time Wednesday is over you start to feel the weight of your workload heavily beating at your skull and you begin to see a glimpse of the hope of the weekend that begins with Friday, that most majestic of days.

And then Thursday hits you. So close to the end and equally far from it, Thursday teases you with its length and its complete lack of anything to do. It is my least favorite day of the week. The only way to get through it is to carefully make a plan for where tomorrow's paycheck is going and to convince people they don't know English.

You may find that most people are not grammar nerds and it can be shocking just how much people don't know about their own language. Why can't the English teach their children how to speak? Take the difference between gone and went, for example. "I should've went to the store," is incorrect. "I should've gone to that tarantula circus. Why, oh why, didn't I go?" however, is not. I would be all too happy to correct you after your next misuse.

Another English debauchery is the deplorable overuse of words that inconceivably enough don't mean what you think they mean. Plethora is a word typically used to describe any selection of things, like, "There are a plethora of good movies to see this weekend." Thruthfully, there are no good movies playing this weekend, but my point is that this statement refers to maybe three possible movies the speaking party may be interested in seeing. That is quite the selection, yes, but it is not a plethora. The dictionary describes the word plethora as "way too friggin' much." It is proper to use plethora to describe everyone you haven't met yet, an excess of items, but not to describe the number of colors in your outfit, which can be counted by a blind retard.

Perhaps the most fun time-waster ever is the art of making people not be able to speak at all. This can be accomplished by performing a shocking act, like flashing or throwing knives at them. Another more legal way is to ask them to say "toy boat" repeatedly. It helps if you are able to say it many times fast without error, forcing the other person into a frenzy of increasingly unsuccesful attempts. You scoff at my suggestions, but this last item has worked for me exactly three times and is a terrific way to spend an hour.

As luck would have it, I was alone in my office today with a very large load of work to do left over from the vacation day I took Monday. Therefore, my Thursday was just swell and it passed with exactly zero insane exhibitons. Although, I just downed several spoonfuls of coleslaw while I was typing this, a certain guarantee that an upset stomach is afoot. Such is the cost of deliciousness.